Of course this would happen to me... twice.

Sometimes I feel like my life is a movie. Not in a "super-awesome-actiony-sense," but  more like a b-rate comedy with little known actors that rely on awkwardness to make the film funny.. Its really weird and stupid, but I've just learned to laugh it off as something along the lines of, "This might as well happen.." Yes, I am a cynical, neurotic person by nature. Anyway! The exact same embarrassing thing has happened to me twice in about two months.

Allow me to explain...

Sometime in, oh, early June I became single, solo, on the market, in the herd-- you get the picture.. Details are irrelevant! Since then, I've been amazing at getting myself into seemingly sketchy situations with other males whenever Mr. Dude shows up.

Example 1!
My good friend Sir Hipster (best male friend) and I went to a party on a whim, mainly because we were bored and my other friends had invited us to go. Of course, I had full knowledge Mr. Dude (ex) would be there later on in the evening, but they promised me it wouldn't be awkward and begged, begged, begged us to go. We agreed, unfortunately. The evening rolls on, the sun sets, the bonfire is made. Its cold out, so Sir Hipster and I head inside for warmth. One thing I should make known about Sir Hipster is that he is a very cuddly person. I've known him about six years, so I just take his cuddliness as it comes. Just how he is to me, how he is, how he always will be.
Anyway!
So we take a seat on a chair, and I'm sitting on him because at the time all of the chairs were outside, and the couch was disgusting. So who better to come in at that moment, then Mr. Dude? He opens the door, hesitates, enters, and makes several snide remarks about the situation. Only then do I begin to realize, "Oh.. wait. Yes. This looks bad. This looks very, very, very bad. Wait, why would he care? He lied to me for half a year about his feelings for me." Well, he cared. He storms out of the house after successfully obtaining whatever beverage he planned on consuming and left with a kind goodbye that went somewhere along the lines of, "Don't forget to use a rubber!"
Dumbfounded, Sir Hipster and I exchange confused glances and go on with our movie, me feeling especially irritated. Mr. Dude returns a few minutes later and tries again to assess the situation, but only becomes more aggravated at the situation progresses. (Mind you, I am fully aware that I made an ass out of myself for being careless and heartless.) He instead decides to once again fall back on his "rubbers" comment and leaves.

Since then, things have been as resolved as they're ever going to be for someone I never want to see again.. But anyway...

Example 2!
This is less extreme, but still... Let me make something known to you. I am from a small town.. So basically the people I'm friends with are friends with people I've previously dated. Its usually not uncommon that our circle of friends touch..
I am friends with a pleasant badass who looks remarkably like Johnny Depp. We've been hanging out now that he's back in town, but a downfall to that is that he's friends with Mr. Dude. He also lives in a house that belongs to a friend of himself and Mr. Dude. We'll call my friend Captain Sparrow.
We were hanging out the other day for a while and decided we needed to do something awesome! Not that there's anything awesome to do in a small town... So we ventured to WalMart, looked at the fish, counted the dead ones, stared at the art, smelled candles, bought coconut water, and left. We planned on going bowling afterwards, but arrived at the bowling alley to find that it was closed. So after finding that our coconut water drinks were repulsive, we threw the cartons to watch them explode. We decided to go back to Captain Sparrow's house and watch Rum Diaries (a Johnny Depp film for those unaware). It proved to be an interesting movie. About fifteen minutes before the movies ends, Mr. Dude happens to walk right in. the room was dark (because the light was burnt out), and Captain Sparrow and I were on the couch. Granted, we were a ways from each other, I still know what was going through Mr. Dude's mind: "What the F*CK is she doing here, in the dark, watching a movie with my best friend?!" Instead, he says, "Why is it so dark in here?.." Captain Sparrow does his best to accommodate for the dark room, and switches on a lamp near the doorway. Mr. Dude directs his dialogue to me. This is about how it goes.

Him: "So... I saw the Ford Focus outside.. I figured it was you, because I don't really know anyone else who drives that.."
Me: "....Haha, yeah.. One of a kind..."
Him: "So... Just got done watching a movie?.."
Me: "...Yeah, it was pretty weird.."

So on and so on about the movie and the plotline. I didn't make eye contact the whole time. Just stared ahead like a blank doll. A blank, awkward doll. The rest of the conversation was about work, and summer, and school.. y'know.. awkward small talk that should have ended sentences ago. I kept thinking about how badly falling from the second story building would hurt just to get away from the guy! After finding out that the last few times Captain Sparrow and I had been hanging out were supposed to be when he was going to hang out with Mr. Dude, I felt even more uncomfortable..
You see.. They're trying to kick certain habits. (When I say trying, more like not even making an attempt) But Captain Sparrow and I made a pact. He'd work hard to stop drinking and smoking, and I would work hard to stop cussing.
Well, no avail on his part because Mr. Dude is planning with him how they're both going to get trashed the next day while I sit and listen for about ten minutes. Not my problem, Mr. Dude can drink himself into a coma for all I care, no longer my problem. What bothered me was that Captain Sparrow was really, really trying to quit, but Mr. Dude just shat all over his accomplishments by pulling the "don't make me drink alone" card.
So I sit there until they're done talking, and without even thinking I stand up. I stand up, and this is what goes through my mind: "I'm up. Why am I up? Oh, yes! To leave. okay. Leaving now. Leaving and never coming back, ever."
Instead, this is the conversation that follows.

Me: "Welp, its been fun, but I better skee-dadle."
Captain: "Oh, okay."
Me: -walks for the door-
Dude: "Going on a date?"
Me: -sarcastic "Hah, hah, hahhh.." laugh-
Dude: -gets really quiet, and mumbles that he was just kidding-
Me: -tries to make light of the awkwardness and responds- "Oh, maybe with my Laptop.. Or my bed."
Dude: -nothing-
Crickets: -CHIRPCHIRPCHIRP- (<---- that is an exaggeration.)
Me: ".....Okay, cya!" -leaves-

As soon as I get into my car, I let loose with a, "WHYYYY?!?!?" And then drive home. Ah, but yes. This would happen to me. Twice. TWICE!!! I am not a walking comedy movie, but I guess it is kinda funny.. Okay, its really funny. I feel like I'm forever doomed to awkward moments, long pauses, and carefully worded conversations. But this, my friends, is for your entertainment. I laugh at my own expense, and now you can laugh at mine also!